Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
