He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
