fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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