PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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