Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I looked at my own cervix.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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