1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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