My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
