i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
How does it feel to date your dad?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
