If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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