What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
