we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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