My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
