He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
