maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
