If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
