standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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