she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
There r osticjed everywhere
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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