you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
