i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
