Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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