Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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