just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
how does that bad decision feel?
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