So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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