overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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