I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
