we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize