Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize