If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
