when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
