Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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