So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
