When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
