Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
