Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You're like the curious george of whores
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
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