I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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