No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
