Where did you get a picture of my penis
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
