well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We need to rekindle our bromance
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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