just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
