my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Randomize
