walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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