so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
