don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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