Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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