oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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