how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
