if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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