Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
