He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
