my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
