Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
did i just pee glitter
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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