Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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