Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
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I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
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What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.