I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
