Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.