i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
