There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"