No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
