Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

Will you blow on my dice?

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(772): View more from Florida

I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.

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(862): View more from New Jersey

She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.

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27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Read it at the TFLN blog
(616): View more from Michigan

you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed

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(301): View more from Maryland

He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"

(1-301): View more from Maryland

Soulmates.

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(716): View more from New York

I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.

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(979): View more from Texas

The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.

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(646): View more from New York

Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?

(212): View more from New York

hahah yep

(646): View more from New York

Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?

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