she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
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had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
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Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?