Moan for me like Helen Keller
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
