Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize