Will you blow on my dice?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?