need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
