and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
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We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
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We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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