Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
