Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
