I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
