I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
