Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
