Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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