"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I think I died a long time ago.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
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