what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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