My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
