Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Why can't burritos get me drunk
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
