You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
