I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
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Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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