just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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