Where did you get a picture of my penis
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
