I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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