i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
