she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Semen is not good for contacts.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
