Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
