Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
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he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
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I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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