Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
