At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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