If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Please don't give away my fajitas
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
