I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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