It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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