i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
