Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
